((Feel free to keep sending in your Valentine’s/love/romance/boygirlperson problem asks!!))

The crowd was piling in the venue, bundled up in reds and pinks, creams and browns, hearts pounding with excitement for this– day one of the Valentine’s Day concert. It was such a romantic holiday, all sugar and sweet sentiments, and their favorite sextuplets soaking it all in– what a day!

Some came alone, some brought friends, some brought dates, and others were watching a stream of the event from the comfort of their own homes. All of them were geared up to see their favorite boy at his sweetest.

That’s why an uncomfortable air rushed over the crowd when they saw the tattered, dusty remains of a decrepit house, cobwebs in the corners, shouts and cackles reverberating through distant, unseen halls.

A carriage, almost heartlike in shape, rolls onto the stage, pulled by an unseen horse. Inside, based on the scant light shining from the screens at the back of the stage, seems to be six people, unconscious.

Just as some folks at the back approach the doors to cut their losses and see if that 24-hour cafe is still open, the stage bursts into vivid color and sound as the six are almost sprung from the carriage, turning the dour, dreary interior of the building into what appears to be a lavish, elaborate feast…

For six love-hungry vampires.

((The outfits [and carriage] are absolutely, positively the new Tabimatsu Chocolate Vampirematsu (チョコヴァンパイア松) set, which I seemingly cannot find all together in one post, but! Here’s Osomatsu, Karamatsu, Choromatsu, Ichimatsu, Jyuushimatsu, and Todomatsu on the official Tabimatsu Twitter! I had entirely different plans for Valentine’s, but as soon as I saw these? I scrapped those and decided on two new themes.

The sound reference for this is Dempagumi.inc’s Eikyu Zombiena! Just make it a little less “lady zombie” and a little more “starving bloodsucker.”))

The lights cascaded over the stage in reds and pinks that suited the holiday, even as the boys’ costumes had more of a Halloween-ish style, though… upon further observation, the outfits were lovingly adorned with lace, ribbons, and ruffles, striped in brown, and the capes looked almost like they were dunked in chocolate.

The song is already doused in cheesy puns and shouts for audience participation from verse one, with the brothers in some way counting themselves off (the elder trio’s countoffs to 4/death turning into “1, 2, 3!” as the younger trio’s turns into some unwanted spotlight being turned onto “Ichi-niisan!”)

The song begins with a supposedly sad, sad tale. A long time ago– or maybe not, maybe they’re exaggerating, and they’ll admit that– these boys told someone of how dearly they loved them. Perhaps they went about it in a bad way, perhaps they did it at a bad time, or perhaps they were still tactless NEETs (or schoolchildren, depends on the era) with a mistaken idea of what charm was.

They were rejected, and that rejection shook them to their core more than it probably should have.

These boys have longed for love for ages, a romance to make fairytales look dull, and that urge has led them to this touch-starved, affection-starved life. These boys have a big, big thirst for all kinds of love, and you’re all welcome to join the feast!

As a guest or a dish, who can say?

If that person didn’t love them, someone would. They’ll love that person to death, and death itself can’t deter that! They’ll be smiling in the end, because they refuse to end until they find someone to adore them back. Fingers crossed, they’ll be that lucky soon!

The audience is baffled but excited by the time the ending rolls around, the boys shouting for their participation and getting it full force this time around. Organs play again, as the back of the venue echoes with the sound of heavy doors slamming shut.

The boys line up in the middle, all smiles and carefully brushed on undereye circles.

“Everyone! Happy Valentine’s day!” The audience shouts this welcome back, and the ex-NEETs already look more alive.

“Welcome to the Matsunov Valentine’s Feast!” Osomatsu says, “Real quick, no need to panic, your blood is safe. All we want are chocolates in sealed packages and all the love you got, hand it over.” The audience murmurs, and he looks almost hurt that he didn’t get a laugh for that. “Ok, special events call for special intros! Totty, you’re up.”

Todomatsu salutes, “Ok! Everyone, who’s your favorite cute little vampire prince?” The audience shouts Totty! “No, I can’t hear you, even with my super strong senses, louder! Who’s your favorite cute little vampire prince?” Totty! “All right, all right, I guess that’s good enough!” He looks stern for an instant, adding on “For now.” Back to cutesy in a flash, just as the others erupt in shouts about his sudden change of heart! “I’m the youngest son of the Matsunov bloodline, Todomatsu! Thank you so much for the meal!” He bows, with a little swoosh of his cape. “Jyuushimatsu-niisan, you next!”

“Ok! I’m sorry that mine isn’t too different, everyone yell along! Hustle hustle! Muscle muscle!” He’s hamming it up, cape in both hands, giving it a few repeats because, gosh, it’s so fun. “I didn’t have anything witty prepared! Who’s the thirstiest pinch hitter on the team?” The audience is roughly half shouts of his name, half laughter. “Good enough! I’m the fifth son of the Matsunov bloodline, and the world’s happiest leech, Jyuushimatsu! I promise I won’t take too much, thank you for the meeeal!” He’s back up from his bow as soon as he’s down. “Ichimatsu-niisan!”

“See, this hurts. They replaced my cats with bats, so I can’t do the ‘nya’ thing, it just feels wrong. I’m going to cut to the chase, make it loud and make it count!” Ichimatsu-sama! “Sorry for making things awkward; fourth son of the Matsunov bloodline, Ichimatsu. Something this good is wasted on me, but thank you for the meal.” He fidgets a bit after his bow, sort of. Nodding towards Choromatsu, who nods back silently.

“Ok, so! Everyone, your part is the same as usual, penlights up!” He looks a bit nervous about this change, but. It’s just one day, he’s got to get it over with. “Undead, blood red, pyuropyurorin! Dracula, love cure, pyuropyurorin!” Choromatsu needs a second to cover his face, “I am so sorry. I’m the third son of the Matsunov bloodline, Chororin, a.k.a. Choromatsu, thank you for the meal!” If he stays down long enough, maybe people will forget. “Karamatsu?”

Oh, lord, Karamatsu. He takes a second to skulk up to the front of the stage, cape held to his face like Dracula, walking like Robbie Rotten if he pulled something in his back. He takes a second to hiss, fangs out, and the other five boys onstage collapse into fits of laughter or groans of agony. “A sinful, undead man!” The audience calls back a guilty guy! “Mind my silver bullets!” Karamatsu shouts, before sweeping a finger-gun over the audience with a loud “Bang!” He straightens his waistcoat, smiling. “I am the second son of the Matsunov bloodline, Karamatsu! I promise to love every last drop. Thank you for the meal.” He bows with such intensity that the cape flips over his head. “Osomatsu,” he says quietly, thinking something along the lines of “don’t look at me, I’m hideous.”

Osomatsu ruffles his brother’s hair, and proceeds to do exactly what Karamatsu did with a complete and utter inability to hold his laughter in. “BLEH!” He finally gets some hushed giggles, and whatever, ok, he can take that proudly. “Who is this vampire kingdom’s favorite big brother?” Osomatsu-niisan! “Whoa, did I hear that right? Let me ask one more time! Who’s this vampire kingdom’s favorite big brother?” Osomatsu-niisan! “Wow, I was right! Still, though, make responsible choices and know I’m not the responsible choice.” He laughs, “I’m the eldest son of the Matsunov bloodline, Osomatsu! I’m excited to have you, and I plan on eating my fill! Thank you for the meal!” He bows, scooting back toward his brothers before standing up.

“We’re the love-thirsty sextuplets the grand high vampire Akatsuka Fujio brought back to life! We are…”

“F6! Thank you for coming!”